Once Upon a Time

I've just returned home from the Story as Leadership workshop led by Christina Baldwin in Columbus at Ohio State University. This has stimulated something in me - the possibility of stories could take me to a new place..

Here is the story I told at this workshop:

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who loved her mother very much, but she was afraid of her mother's anger. One day when she was only 3 years old, she and her mother went to visit her mother's friend. And when they got there, her mother put her in a chair and told her to sit there quietly. She told the child, "children are to be seen and not heard." And so, the little girl sat there without making a sound.

Once upon a time, there was a young woman of 26 years. She and her husband had just moved into their first house with their 2 children. The young woman decided she wanted to be involved in her children's school and get to know her new community. She attended a school PTA meeting and learned there was a need for a Brownie leader. Having been a Girl Scout for 10 years and because of all that Scouting had given to her, she decided this was an opportunity to pass on to other young girls what she had received. She decided to volunteer as the leader.

She loved being with the young girls, sharing walks in the woods, making crafts, getting to know them and their families. BUT she felt alone and had no special friend.

One day, she was attending a neighborhood meeting for the Leaders. As she sat there listening to all the conversations around her, she remained silent. Even though she was not participating in the discussions, she was thinking of all the things she might say if she were to speak. She very much wanted to share with the group her experiences in Scouting and her ideas for this new project. And still she said nothing.

Then, very softly, she heard this small voice whisper in her ear "children are to be seen and not heard...AND you are no longer a child. You are a mother of children." The young women was stunned to hear this and sat there pondering what this meant. She realized this was true.

Very slowly, and with some fear, she began to find her voice. Using her voice, she found her special friend, Joyce. As time past, she came to understand that "children are to be seen AND heard." She began to invite her children to use their voices.

That young woman was me. I am still working to know my voice and speak the words I was born to speak. This is place for me to do that. Thank you for bearing witness.

Random Chaos

random

Definition: haphazard, chance
Synonyms: accidental, adventitious, aimless, arbitrary, casual, contingent, designless, incidental, indiscriminate, irregular, objectless, odd, unconsidered, unplanned, unpremeditated

cha·os

1. A condition or place of great disorder or confusion.
2. A disorderly mass; a jumble.
3. often Chaos The disordered state of unformed matter and infinite space supposed in some cosmogonic views to have existed before the ordered universe.
4. Mathematics A dynamical system that has a sensitive dependence on its initial conditions.

Sometimes I think of my life as "random chaos". A series of events, connections, meetings, phone calls, emails, chance encounters - and yet, somehow they are all connected and provide me with answers I did not know I was seeking and learnings I need now and in the future.

I am a dynamic system that has a sensitive dependence on my initial conditions...

For many years now, (maybe it started 30 years ago?) I have been on a journey that I could not have planned and yet, looking back, I am beginning to see how these random chaotic events have brought me here. Order out of Chaos...

30 years ago, I took my first transformative workshop. It was the life skill courses at College Hill Presbyterian Church in Cincinnati. They changed my life forever. I am still on that journey and it feels like things are beginning to come together. Would I have arrived at this space if I had not had that experience?

My intent with this blog is to give myself a place to bear witness to this journey as I continue to discover myself.

My blogs will not be tied together in a nice neat bow - but they are all connected to each other by beautiful fine strands of community where I have found them.