Friday, November 13, 2009

the world has shifted

This has been working on me for a while. I left this writing sit to be sure I really believed it. 


For all of us that have experienced this shift, I feel there is an obligation for us to spread the word - to help others to have eyes and ears to hear this new world order that is evolving. 


Maybe you've only had a moment where it seemed like the group really came together - lots of energy - no egos - generosity of spirit -love. That is the new way of being in the world.

So here are my thoughts on this -

A Small Group, Open Space, Art of Hosting, World CafĂ©, Women’s Circles, and more are modeling a new (old) way of gathering, of being in community and of doing business. The modern world model of community held us hostage to hierarchy, command and control – required a charismatic leader who held all the power.

In the new model of gathering – community – we share the roles and responsibilities of leadership and embrace the wisdom of the elders and the young.

When we are in community our whole is greater than our parts. Both, we and community increase in our capacity to think complexly – and simplify and clarify who we are and what we want for the collective.

Modeling a healthy community process (like A Small Group community) has increased my capacity to think, sit with dissent (still much room for improvement), be creative, affirm, value differences, give and receive gifts. I carry this with me where ever I show up and risk sharing with our “modern” communities. I am challenged to be bolder in asking for what I need from my community and taking responsibility for my own experience.

It is not easy to be brave and risk dissent.

What happens for me every time we gather in these ancient ways – my spirit soars. It is like a caged bird that has been set free. These new/old ways so resonate with me that my spirit recognizes them immediately – even before my brain understands why I am flooded with such a feeling of coming home.

I'm inviting you to join me in this journey. Will you accept the offer?

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Strong Women - Egalitarian Society

Here is the question that has been working on me, "why is it important to me that I live in an egalitarian society?"

I am inviting you to engage with me in a conversation about hierarchy and egalitarian gatherings. How are they different from each other? How can we each lead from the side to move to egalitarian gatherings?

This issue of egalitarianism is beyond gender. Which then raises the question, is ethnicity, education, and class a part of the hierarchy model? I think yes.

This has been working on me since I left a meeting yesterday. I left feeling frustrated at how my energy drained from me as I sat there - not engaged.

The more I have been part of the "new" small group meetings - women's circles - embracing self-organizing...these meetings have become my new normal. I think it is because we use processes in these gatherings to make space for all voices to be heard. I do not feel the men in these gatherings are dominating - but they are there as equals with the women...egalitarian gatherings.

(At our last design teammeeting, Linda & Mike commented that it was one of the strangest meetings they had ever attended. They asked if we always ran meetings this way? They went on to explain why they asked this. Everyone's voice was heard and respected, no voting, but decisions were made, no one person was leading, people volunteered for roles of responsibility for the project as they felt moved to, and differences were allowed and welcomed. They expressed a desire to be in more of these kinds of meetings.)

Yesterday's meeting felt dominated by hierarchy. In particular, everyone (myself included) directing everything to "the leader". Nothing moved. It is not how I want to show up. I want to be responsible for my own experience. How do I ask for what I need in these situations? What has to shift in me to enable me to carry this with me where ever I show up?

The special project meetings feel hierarchical too - whether the Leader is there or not. The best interaction I've had with this group - was a small group conversation after the meeting ended and others had left. Three of us remained behind talking about what was going on for each of us with the group. Thank you Gayle for initiating that conversation.

So far, when I'm not leading the meeting, my best experience in shifting the conversation has been personally taking responsibility in opening the gathering by asking the connection question. (why was it important for you to be here today?) This seems to provide an opening - space - for something different to happen - no matter who has called the meeting.

Is it that simple? Does that really hold the power to shift the conversation? What has been your experience?

The story behind my question of egalitarianism vs. hierarchy is made up of many pieces. Pieces that have recently accumulated to bring me to this conversation -

Several months ago when meeting with the our team the boss showed up - the boss commented how egalitarian Eric and I are when we are facilitating one of the monthly gatherings. It stuck with me and I am still pondering why that was so unusual that it prompted the comment?

Then recently someone who is an elder in the Christian community - told me that there was a time when he would not have met with me - because he was afraid of strong women.

On the surface, I wondered why people have said this to me before? I don't think of myself as particularly strong.

About the same time, I shared in a group how I had a strong relationship with my father and could, and would, argue with him as an adult on differences in opinions and values - but we never were mad at each other. I've been told this is unusual for a daughter - it is the role of a son with the father.

What that says to me is that my father not only always told my sister and me we were equal to men, but modeled it in his actions with us.

What does it mean when someone tells you that you are a "strong woman" or you tell a woman "she is a strong woman"?

What do you think it means that men might be afraid of engaging in conversation or relatinship with a woman who expects to be treated as an equal? Is that your experience?

This is where I have landed today - being a strong woman is just code for saying when I show up I expect to be treated as an equal and to "only" treat you as an equal. (there's that egalitarian thing again.) Also, I'm realizing my energy drains from me when I don't show up this way as it did in yesterday's meeting.

BTW - I don't think I have ever said to a man “you are a strong man”.)

Ringing Bells

This is taken from my recent speech at a Toastmaster's meeting.

Welcome. Thank you Toastmaster, fellow toastmasters, and honored guests. I’m pleased to present to you today.

I have a question for you to ponder - How many times have you facilitated a workshop or made a presentation– and at the end, despite all your preparation and practice, things don’t go according to plan and you wonder what went wrong?

I found myself asking this question after our recent workshop.

Here's the story --

Recently, Eric and I presented our workshop at the Greater Cincinnati Chapter of the American Society of Training and Development’s Fall Conference. It did not go as well as we had hoped or planned.

When we applied and were accepted to be one of 9 workshop presenters – I was excited for the opportunity to present our workshop, Powerful Complaining – Revealing Your Immunity to Change” – My hope was we would do a wonderful job, everyone would want to attend our workshop, and that after the workshop we would be overwhelmed with offers to come present the workshop for their company or coach them individually.

Warning Bell #1 – the first indicator of trouble (and one of many we ignored) we were told we had 75 minutes for our workshop. Wow! How to reduce a workshop that should be at least 3 ½ hours (210 minutes) into 75 minutes, but we knew we could do it.

Warning Bell #2 - our practice workshop that ran 105 minutes. Looking at that realized that we needed to cut 30 minutes was a little troubling. But, we thought if we just reduced the amount of time we gave for each small group activity, and harvesting feedback, we could get it under 75 minutes. Not perfect, but it would work.

Warning Bell #3my anxiety began to increase when a few days before the event the organizers notified us that the last 5 minutes of our time would be used by participants to evaluate our presentation with electronic response cards. And also a reminder they would be introducing us – another few minutes chopped off of our valuable time.

What had seemed like marginally doable at 75 minutes – now began to seem impossible.

However, still living in denial, we moved ahead with our plan in tact thinking we would shave off a minute here and there and it would be alright.

Warning Bell #4 - The night before our workshop Eric and I attended the Organizational Development Networks’ monthly meeting. We watched an experienced presenter take us through her workshop in 75 minutes. I was exhausted by how fast it moved and how much information was packed into that 75 minutes AND I realized also that she had a full 75 minutes.

Did all these ringing bells trigger me suggest to Eric, we rethink our presentation?

NO!

Would there have been time to redesign the presentation – maybe.

You may be wondering what happened the day of the conference?

Reality – the person before us ran late and cut into our time. People were late arriving in the room.

Our time which was to start at 2:45 began at 2:55 and had to end at 3:55 – we eliminated some of the experiential aspects of the workshop. As we neared the end of our time and only had 15 minutes left - we delivered the remaining content to them without any small group activity.

We delivered this content and ran over by about 2 minutes.

The good news was that somehow within these time constraints, people got it. People came up to us afterwards and asked good questions. One person said she was going to recommend to her company that they hire us to present the workshop to them.

What were are learnings?

1. The big learning for us: in the future when we are asked to present a workshop in such a short time frame to think outside the box and not be married to “what we want to do” vs. what we can do.

2. And if the bells start ringing, stop what we are doing and re-examine our plans.